Light in the darkness
by Nebelchaos
Summary: Cloud is lost in his thoughts and feels guilty for what has happened. He drifts further and further away from his friends. A certain gunslinger wants to help him to get over his past. Story will contain mentions of suicide attempts and Yaoi. You have been warned. (Rating will change to M, soon) Cloud x Vincent.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own FF7.**

Cloud sat down on a small hill near Cosmo Canyon. He looked up at the grey autumn sky, deeply lost in thought. He still felt guilty and ashamed. The blonde couldn't keep his promises. Cloud promised Zack to never forget him, and what happened? He forgot him. The ex-SOLDIER had simply believed, that he did everything Zack had done. Every single moment spent with Zack, every conversation shared, even the escape from ShinRa – he totally forgot. Afterwards he pretended to be someone he wasn't, he pretended to have lived Zacks life as a soldier, as if Zack Fair had never existed. The black-haired man had died because he was weak, and Cloud forgot him.

Later on he promised Aerith to protect her, to be her bodyguard. He had sworn to let nobody harm her. Not long after that she died because of him. He failed.

Two people he hold dear died for and because of him. He was nothing.

When he was little he didn't really have friends. Tifa was the most popular girl in the town back then, friends with everybody... save for him. He wasn't even invited to her birthday party unlike everyone else.

Then he went to ShinRa, wanting to become a hero just like Sephiroth. He didn't become a SOLDIER FIRST CLASS, just some ordinary foot soldier. He had to be protected by a true hero, Zack. People called him the „saviour of the world". Cloud snorted. It wasn't because of him that the world was saved, but because of the experiments conducted on him and his friends fighting alongside him. And Aerith... dying for the planet. He wasn't fast enough, he couldn't fight off Sephiroths sword. When he reacted, she already drawn her last breath. Most people didn't see this part of the story, they only saw him beating the white-haired legend.

Lately Cloud felt like drowning in a deep, dark lake. The lake consisted of his memories, his guilt, his mistakes and sadness. He was unable to find happiness, and no matter where he looked, there was just the black, cold water. The shore was nowhere to be seen. He suffered from sleep disorder nightmares haunting him at night. He saw Zack and Aerith dying, Sephiroth turning insane, and sometimes Hojos annoying face appeared. The only time he could get a little rest was when he thought about a certain gunman. Still, even that didn't last long, since he knew the other would never return his feelings. After all he seemed to still love Lucrecia.

Cloud noticed that his friends worried about him and his mental state. Tifa was trying to talk to him, Cid offered to give him a small plane and teach him how to fly, Barret asked if he wanted to help him in Corel... and sometimes Vincents stare seemed to drill holes in his back. But Cloud was lost in the depths of his own thoughts. He would walk further and further away from them, not wanting to be a burden.

Every time somebody called him a saviour or a friend, he tried to figure out the reason for it. To him it was impossible to see something that great in himself. Cloud spent much time on brooding about that. Whenever Vincent looked at him as if he was somebody important, somebody worth to be noticed, he pondered about what the raven would say or do, if he knew Clouds feelings for the ex-Turk. The blue-eyed wondered what knowing the reaction of the gunslinger would do to him.

As the clouds drifted by, he remembered Tifas joy upon meeting him again. She was happy he helped Barret and Avalanche. Cloud was somebody else back then, a fusion of his best friend with himself. He would fight and believe in winning. Later on he was the one to fight Sephiroth, beating the silver-haired man twice, saving the world from destruction.

But now he had more than enough time to think, to realize who he was. His old friends said he was changing, however Cloud begged to differ. After the battle against Sephiroth he had nothing to live for any more, he had no goals in his life. His only dream was to be with Vincent and that was downright impossible. The swordsman wished for something to happen. He craved a reason to live and desired to change.

* * *

 _Whew, so that was the first chapter. It was actually inspired by a song from Katatonia (I am nothing). English isn't my native language therefore I tink there will be some mistakes. Feel free to point them out. Please review, constructive criticism is really appreciated._


	2. Chapter 2

Vincent sat in the dusty ShinRa manor, back leaned against the wall. He didn't know why he came back here, maybe it was because he had no other place to go to. The gunman had nobody to be with and nothing to do. He lost everything the moment Hojo shot him. His job, his love and his humanity. Somehow it was fitting for a sinner like him to be experimented on and sharing his body with a demon. The raven-haired knew, he was immortal. When he came to himself after he became this creature, he tried to kill himself in despair.

At first he shot himself, the bullet went right trough his head. He felt immense pain and smelled blood, but was still alive. Slitting his wrist wouldn't do anything, he only had one arm to do that and if a bullet to the head wouldn't kill him, he seemed to be unable to die from blood loss. So he took poison. Vincent had felt the venom rushing trough his veins, burning his insides. It felt as if his blood vessels were bursting. He was shaking, sick and his skin became cold as ice. Still – he was alive. Even after he took ten times the dosage that would have killed a normal human, he survived. He blamed it on Chaos. The Demon was probably the reason he survived all that.

Soon he gave up on that idea, going to sleep in a coffin in the basement of the mansion instead. He planned on sleeping there forever, but thirty years later a certain blonde stumbled over his room, his curiosity causing him to open the casket. At first the gunslinger was slightly annoyed by the disturbance, though after hearing about Sephiroth trying to destroy the world, he wanted to help them. Sephiroth was, after all, part of his sins and therefore his business. Furthermore he was told they would probably meet Hojo and he definitely had to take revenge. There was nobody Vincent hated more. Who would have thought that his decision to accompany them would lead to so many changes?

The more time he spent with the group, the more he came to enjoy it. Especially being around the group's leader, Cloud. Even now he had no idea when it started, but somehow he became quite fond of the swordsman. The longer they traveled across Gaia, the more it dawned on him, that he was falling in love. Whilst he believed to not deserve happiness and to be loved, he still wanted to be there for the blonde. He was unsure of what to do. Confessing his love to Cloud was beyond dispute, after all he was a monster and it was far more probable Cloud was interested in girls. As far as he knew, Cloud had had a crush on Tifa when he was little.

Still, he had to do something. Cloud didn't accept help from anybody, but Vincent had to find a way. He recognized Clouds mental state, it wasn't that different from his own before meeting the blonde and his group. He feared something would happen to the swordsman, and the raven-haired couldn't stand losing another love.

He looked trough the dirty window on his left, the moon was shining and bathed him in ghostly white light. Vincent slowly stood up. The gunman would have to find Cloud. When he was near the blonde he could watch over him in case something happened and come up with a plan to save the warrior from drowning in his past. Maybe he should visit the 'Seventh Heaven'. Tifa had reopened the bar after Sephiroth was defeated and everybody of the group visited once in a while. She might know where he could find Cloud and if not, maybe one of the others did. It was worth a shot.


End file.
